Is your relationship healthy?

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Are you in danger?

It’s normal to feel like everything is perfect at the start of a relationship, but sometimes it is hard to see that things aren’t as healthy as it should be. Hopefully, both partners are treating each other with kindness and respect. If that’s not the case, take a step back and ask yourself…

Does my partner …

  • Criticize the way I look or dress?

  • Get jealous when I talk to other people?

  • Want me to quit an activity, even though I love it?

  • Raise a hand when angry, like they are about to hit me?

  • Try to force me to go further sexually than I want to?

  • Treat me roughly or even hurt me, but later says, “I didn’t mean it” or “It’s your fault because you made me mad.”

  • Threaten me with a weapon of any kind?

  • Call me names, put me down or humiliate me?

  • Threaten to hurt or kill themselves if I leave?

  • Tell me who I can spend time with?

  • Always have to be right and will never admit they made a mistake?

  • Lie about things they did and make me feel crazy when I call them on it?

What is dating abuse?

Dating abuse can be physical, emotional or sexual. It can happen to people of all ages, including kids, regardless of gender, race, sexual orientation, religion or zip code.

Physical abuse
Your partner hits you, hurts you or physically restrains you. They break your property or threaten to hurt you.

Emotional abuse
Your partner is jealous or controlling, says hurtful or insulting things to you, lies to you or makes you feel worthless.

Sexual abuse
Your partner threatens or forces you to engage in sexual activities you don’t want to do. They make you feel guilty for saying no, or make you feel like you have to say yes.

If you are being hurt

You deserve to be treated with dignity and respect. If you feel you’re in a relationship that’s unhealthy, know that you’re not alone. It’s important to reach out for help.

  • Tell someone - Confide in someone you trust, like a friend, family member, teacher, spiritual leader or a doctor.

  • Get medical help - If you’ve been physically injured, sexually hurt or have had sex without protection, talk with your doctor.

  • Take precautions - Plan ahead to stay safe.

    • Use the buddy system when going places.

    • Change your route to work or school.

    • Tell someone where you’re going and when you plan to return.

    • Memorize important phone numbers you can call in an emergency.

    • Keep a mobile phone handy to stay in communication with others.

    • Have money available for transportation if you need to leave.

If you know someone being hurt

Maybe you’ve witnessed your friend being hurt by the person they’re dating. It can be scary and concerning. Here are some ways you can help:

  • Encourage them to talk with you and share what they’re feeling or experiencing.

  • Remind them that nobody deserves to be abused.

  • Don’t blame them for what’s happening. Instead, ask how you can help.

  • Don’t tell your friend to leave the relationship. They might be afraid of being harmed and feel it’s unsafe to do so. Instead, encourage them to reach out for help.

  • Avoid confrontations with the abusive person. It could put you or your friend in danger.

  • If you feel they are in serious danger, talk with someone who can help, such as a domestic violence agency or the police.

If you are hurting someone

If you do something that’s hurtful to another person, you need to seek help. It is never OK to help others. Ask yourself the following; do I…

  • Hit, slap, push, pull hair or choke my partner?

  • Often feel jealousy?

  • Believe I have the right to know what my partner is doing and where they are at all times?

  • Call or text my partner constantly and get mad if they don’t respond?

  • Enjoy seeing my partner in pain, crying or hurt?

  • Break or destroy my partner’s belongings?

  • Feel afraid of asking for help because I might lose everything that’s important to me?

  • Think about “getting even” with my partner?

  • Twist things around, lie or exaggerate to make my partner doubt their thoughts or feelings?

If you answered yes to any of the questions above, it’s important to get help. Addressing the cause of your behavior will take time, but if you want a healthy relationship, you need to make the commitment.

Sojourner can help

Dating abuse is serious. We can help you explore your risk level, help with safety planning and support your journey to healing.

Call our 24-hour hotline any time to speak with an Advocate. Our services are free and confidential.

(414) 933-2722