Summer love. It’s the subject of songs and stories shared across nations and generations. In it lies the promise of a romance so powerful, we never want it to end. But like many things that burn so bright and so fast, they don’t tend to burn very long.

That’s how it started for Erica. She met him in college on a summer mission project. They went to separate schools, so their love would have to grow long distance. It did, and a year and a half later, they got engaged. That’s when the red flags started to emerge.

“There would be silent treatments directed at me that could only be solved if I went there and solved the problem.” “The biggest red flag for me was one night we were together when we were engaged, he was really angry. And I remember realizing in that moment ‘I don’t think I’m safe with this person.”

That’s when she locked herself in the bathroom, sitting on the floor, crying.

“Meanwhile he sat outside the bathroom door crying himself and begging and pleading and to be quite honest, in the morning everything looked different.”

He promised to change. He said she could help him. So, she went through with the wedding.

“I really did think things were going to get better.”

They didn’t.

“Things just got worse every year. I think at first it was a lot of verbal abuse, tearing me down, telling me I was a horrible wife or calling me horrible names. I kept thinking, ‘I’m not those things.’”

As time passed, harsh words turned into physical threats, then a physical reality of pushing and shoving as the abuse escalated.

“It started with him hitting around me without actually hitting me, so the threat of his fist hitting me but he would hit the wall next to my head or we would get into situations in the car where he would rage at me and I had nowhere to go. I was trapped.”

Trapped and isolated, Erica hadn’t told a soul what was happening behind closed doors.

“It was always secret, I never told anyone. I wanted to protect him and our reputation as a couple. We had a large friend circle and lots of people who thought we had it all together and it was important to me to maintain that.”

“I remember praying and having no words. All I could pray all the time was to scream ‘help me help me help me’ because I didn’t know what else to say and I didn’t know how else to get help.”

Then, it happened.

“One night he was really angry at me for something, pushed me into a corner, raised his fist and was screaming at me to apologize. Something changed in me at that moment. I told him I will not be controlled by fear anymore, so he took his knuckle and dug it into my eye.”

He walked out, and Erica had had enough. She gathered her things and her beloved dog and left.

“I called my parents who knew nothing. I told them what had happened and went immediately to stay with them for six months.”

That’s when she contacted Sojourner and met with an Advocate.

“It was such a soft place to land amidst a lot of chaos in my life at the time. I didn’t know anyone else who had gone through what I had, or at least had talked about it, so to talk with an advocate who was familiar with all of this felt like relief.”

She found solace and strength in the stories she heard in group sessions.

“I was in a group with women who were months to years past leaving. And I was so early in it I could barely see a week in front of me. But I got to experience these women who had left abusive partners so long ago who were thriving in a million ways, and also still healing. I appreciated getting to see what my life, and what fullness could look like.”

In addition to support groups, Erica was connected to legal services. She filed for divorce - and found her freedom.

“I had this vision where I would look back and see darkness. But I would look ahead and I saw this tiny little light. And as I moved forward the light got bigger and bigger. So while I felt a lot of fear, it was also one of the first times I felt hope in a long time.”

That included finding love again, in due time. She promised herself she would wait a year before diving into the dating pool.

“Toward the end of that year, I met my future husband.”

They met through mutual friends, good friends, friends she trusted.

“It was so different. I just felt this immense sense of safety and security in being myself, in not having to change my behavior for him. It was just the most peace.”

Peace that has continued as Erica finds her own way, on her own terms.

“I used to think one of my identities was to be a good wife above all else. I’ve realized since then my identity and my personhood is central to my well-being and I can’t abandon that at the expense of a relationship.”